lambiepod (lambiepod) wrote in hells_portals,

Fluud, the seemingly innocuous water portal to hell

with great horror I have discovered a portal in my own backyard: Jacksonville, Florida.

Behold Fluud

Fluud lures the unwary with its blue naivete and spreading fern. It seems to be merely a swimming pool, but a seasoned observer of undead evil will note the cruelly shining silver rack in the foreground, the sinuous, esophageal body of an infernal serpent coiling just below it. Also the unmistakable yellow visage of horror in the right corner.

NB: Souls of the damned are represented by numerous quaking orbs. Note large orb to viewer's left of the fern. In life it was someone who just took out a home equity loan to build a pool in what devolved into an early Paleozoic swamp. Only the lords of hell can say if the orb is more tortured by damnation than it was by maintaining a pool. The small orbs could be the naked, quailing souls of friends who showed up for a pool party, only to be greeted by this oozing monstrosity. Speaking of the lords of hell, researchers believe the duck-image to be the camera's shocked representation of the Antichrist, in the same way TBS will reproduce "motherfucker" as "cornshucker." No one is fooled! The Father of Lies floats there, bloated with chlorine tablets!

Our brave researcher captured a close up of the entrance itself.
The fern's shape is proof positive that the devil and Sideshow Bob's hair are one and the same. Note how the orb is fading; even hell must end. If only you and I could fade rather than deal with our insurance companies.

And finally: A redeemed soul crawling from the hydrogen-oxide pit? Or a new plague unleashed upon the world...

Emissions: Steady streams of demonic water that damage your foundation in a way that your homeowner's declines to cover.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic